How To Reduce the Knowing-Doing Gap
Why we say one thing and do another
As originally published in Change Your Mind Change Your Life on Medium.com.
Image: “Love” Sculpture by Alexander Milov
Most of us know what to do. Eat better. Exercise more. Save money. Speak kindly. Leave the toxic job or relationship. Yet somehow, knowing isn’t enough — we don’t follow through. This disconnect is called the knowing-doing gap, and it affects individuals, teams, and even entire cultures.
It’s not a lack of information that holds us back. It’s something much deeper — and much closer to home.
We Are Our Biggest AdversaryLet’s be honest: we are often our own worst enemy. We say we want clarity, growth, or success — but our actions tell another story. You say you want this, but do that. You say you want peace, but you keep choosing chaos. You want a healthy relationship, but you don’t set boundaries. This misalignment between intention and behaviour is what keeps us stuck.
We are our biggest adversary, not because we don’t care, but because we lack awareness of the unconscious forces at play.
Self-Honesty Is the Key to IntegrityTo close the knowing-doing gap, we must be honest with ourself in order to be in integrity with ourself. Integrity isn’t just about being moral — it’s about being aligned. When our actions match our values, we feel grounded and powerful. But when there’s a gap between what we know is right and what we actually do, it erodes trust — in ourself and from others.
Self-honesty means asking tough questions:
Why do I keep repeating this pattern?
What am I avoiding?
What story am I telling myself to justify inaction?
Over the years many people have told me I should write a book. That goal has been floating around in my head for a long time now, even the idea of becoming a best selling author one day. I even rejected several requests to write chapters in collaborative books because of it. But I never started writing the book and I had endless excuses as to why.
The Invisible Hand: Confirmation and Unconscious BiasOur mind’s natural tendencies often sabotage our progress without us realising. Two major culprits are:
Confirmation Bias: this is the tendency to search for, interpret, and recall information that supports our existing beliefs. If you believe you’re not disciplined, your brain will filter your actions through that lens and find “proof” every time you procrastinate. It keeps the story alive — and the cycle repeating.
Unconscious Bias: this refers to automatic, mental shortcuts based on past experiences, societal conditioning, and internalised beliefs. These biases shape how we perceive ourselves, others, and what’s possible. For example, if you unconsciously believe you’re not worthy of success, you’ll unconsciously sabotage any steps toward it — even when you consciously say you want it.
I have written many articles that almost nobody has read. I’ve written many newsletters which almost nobody opened. I’ve read many articles about unsuccessful book self-publishing efforts or the difficulty and cost involved in going the formal publishing route.
Both my confirmation and unconscious bias suggest to me that my book experience would be no different. But I also know better. I know that where we place our attention, we place our energy. And what we focus on we get more of.
Bridging the Knowing-Doing GapSo how do we finally bridge this frustrating gap between knowledge and action?
Increase Self-Awareness: Start by observing your behaviour without judgment. What do you do consistently that contradicts what you say you want? Awareness is the seed of change.
Question Your Beliefs: Are your beliefs still serving you? Or are they hand-me-downs from a past version of yourself — or worse, someone else entirely?
Take Small, Aligned Action: Consistency beats intensity. Small daily actions that reflect your true desires help rebuild trust in yourself and close the gap.
Make Integrity a Daily Practice: When you say you’ll do something, do it. Not for others, but for you. Every promise you keep to yourself closes the gap a little more.
Seek Feedback From Someone You Trust: If you struggle with the four points above, then consider seeking support from a trusted friend. Sometimes we’re too close to our own behaviour to see the blind spots. Let someone you trust reflect back what they observe.
I’ve been practicing self-awareness for a few years now, and I’ve come a long way. Fear is never the right answer. So one day, not long ago, I started to write my book. And now I write almost every day, making a very conscious effort to stay consistent, even if I only write one paragraph. And I have an accountability partner who calls me a best selling author every time we speak. Cheerleaders are invaluable.
Any Pattern Can Be BrokenThe knowing-doing gap isn’t a character flaw — it’s a human challenge. But it can be overcome with honesty, awareness, and aligned action.
You don’t need more information. You need integration. You need to become the person who does the thing — not just talks about it. You need to bridge the gap between knowing and doing by stepping into full integrity with yourself. The journey may be uncomfortable, but the freedom on the other side is worth it.
Wherever you are in your journey, always remember that YOU ARE ENOUGH.
