The Law of Surrender
Unlocking Emotional Intelligence for Health, Longevity and Happiness
As originally published in Change Your Mind Change Your Life on Medium.com.
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In the search for better health, lasting happiness and a deeper sense of fulfilment, many people focus on self-discipline, goal setting and personal achievement. These qualities matter, but there is another principle that often goes overlooked — the Law of Surrender.
I’ve just finished reading Dan Millman’s The Laws of Spirit, in which he talks about the Law of Surrender. Contrary to what one might think at first glance, this law is not about giving up. Instead, it is about letting go of resistance, shifting perspective, and trusting life’s unfolding. It nurtures emotional intelligence, strengthens resilience, and ultimately enhances both mental and physical well-being.
What Is the Law of Surrender?At its heart, the Law of Surrender invites us to release the need for absolute control. Life rarely goes according to plan. Careers take unexpected turns, relationships evolve, and our bodies change over time. Resisting these realities creates stress and erodes happiness.
By contrast, surrender is a conscious choice to flow with life rather than against it. Millman describes it as a “creative commitment to make use of your situation in a spirit of appreciation.” This is not passive acceptance. It is an active stance: choosing to find meaning, gratitude and growth even in circumstances we would not have chosen for ourselves.
Surrender as a Shift in Perspective“You learn to surrender by shifting your perspective.”
This is the essence of the practice. Consider how a single event can feel either like a setback or a stepping stone, depending on the angle from which you view it. Losing a job, for instance, may initially feel devastating. Yet with time and perspective, it can be seen as the very opening needed to pursue a more fulfilling path.
Shifting perspective sounds simple, and is generally easy when looking at any situation from an objective perspective. The challenge is when it’s about us, when we’re in the thick of a situation we would rather not be in, the practice becomes far from easy. But it’s the difference between a victim and a survivor mentality.
I lived trapped in the victim mentality for much of my life, forever in toxic situations and relationships, both in my private and work life. I had simply continued the patterns acquired in childhood through unhealthy family dynamics and bullying at school. And I always wanted others to change because I was right and they were wrong.
It’s a common way of moving through life. The overwhelming majority of people live this way. But this way of living stems from deep-seated fears — the fear of being alone, fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, which are the cornerstones of co-dependency, and the most important ones to de-bunk in order to come home to our sovereignty.
It wasn’t until I learned how to shift my perspective that I became able to look at situations objectively instead of subjectively. To understand that we don’t see situations as they are. We see them as we are.
The practice of surrender is not about denying emotions. It is about noticing when resistance arises, and gently turning our vision towards the possibilities and lessons within the experience. Emotional intelligence thrives in this space: the ability to name emotions, regulate responses, and choose an empowering perspective.
Lessons from AthleticsMillman draws a powerful comparison with athletics:
“One day you get a medal, the next a gruelling training session. But you see the benefit.”
This resonated with me because I competed as Captain of the Athletics team in my youth. Every athlete understands the rhythm of triumph and toil. Victory is sweet, but the path to victory is paved with sweat, setbacks and daily discipline. No medal comes without the grind.
Life mirrors this pattern. There will be days of ease and reward, followed by days of challenge and demand. When we apply the Law of Surrender, we stop wishing for only the medals and start appreciating the training as well. We recognise that struggle has its own form of nourishment. Muscles grow under tension; character deepens in the face of adversity.
Yet surrender doesn’t mean tolerating harm. There’s an important distinction to be made between flowing with life and remaining stuck in unhealthy dynamics. I stayed in an abusive relationship for six years, forever believing it would get better. Because, of course, any abusive situation never starts out that way.
What I didn’t understand at the time was that the change that needed to happen was within me. If I wanted something different, I had to change. And that meant surrendering my fears — the fear of being alone, the fear of rejection, the fear of abandonment. It meant shifting my perspective, my energy.
The hardships I endured were never about the other people involved. They were always about me, highlighting changes I was required to make for my health and happiness. And until we make those changes, we will continue to attract people and situations to teach us the lessons we need to learn.
Finding the Pleasant in the Challenge“Even your challenges will have a pleasant aspect.”
This perspective does not deny hardship. Instead, it asks us to look more carefully. Within difficulty, there may be the gift of patience, the strength of resilience, or the clarity of priorities.
For example, caring for an ageing parent can be exhausting and emotionally taxing. Yet it can also be a period of deep connection, gratitude and healing of old wounds. A health scare may spark fear, but it might also be the very wake-up call that inspires healthier habits and a more balanced lifestyle.
My challenges have led me to a place of far more self-awareness, compassion, and what I believe to be a deeper understanding of how people and the universe work. I’ve learned how interconnected we all are and how everything is energy.
By finding the “pleasant aspect” within challenges, we train ourselves to see life as a teacher rather than an enemy.
Surrender offers three powerful tools:
Self-awareness — recognising when resistance, frustration, or fear are clouding perspective.
Self-regulation — pausing before reacting, allowing emotions to settle, and choosing a response aligned with values.
Compassion and connection — understanding that others also face unseen battles, and extending compassion.
These qualities improve not only emotional well-being but also physical health. Stress is reduced, immunity strengthened, and longevity supported.
Practical Ways to Practise SurrenderThe Law of Surrender is not abstract; it can be applied in daily life. Here are a few practical steps:
Reframe challenges: When faced with difficulty, ask, What lesson or opportunity might this contain?
Practise gratitude: Keep a daily journal, focusing not only on what went well but also on what challenges taught you.
Breathe and pause: In moments of stress, use deep breathing to calm the nervous system before choosing a response.
Visualise flow: Imagine yourself moving downstream with a river rather than struggling upstream. This mental image helps reduce resistance.
Learn from athletes: Adopt their mindset of discipline and appreciation for both victory and effort.
Health, Longevity and Happiness Through SurrenderScience increasingly supports what wisdom traditions have long taught: chronic stress shortens lifespan, while resilience and positive emotions support longevity. By surrendering, we reduce unnecessary stress. By shifting perspective, we strengthen optimism. By appreciating challenges, we cultivate resilience.
In the long run, these practices not only protect physical health but also enrich our relationships and deepen our sense of purpose. Happiness ceases to be dependent on perfect circumstances and instead becomes a steady undercurrent in daily life.
The Law of Surrender does not mean abandoning ambition or resigning yourself to fate. Rather, it is the art of releasing resistance and meeting life with openness. As Dan Millman reminds us, surrender is a creative commitment to use your situation in a spirit of appreciation.
When you learn to surrender, you shift perspective, embrace both medals and training sessions, and discover that even challenges carry a pleasant aspect. For those seeking to improve emotional intelligence, health, longevity and happiness, surrender is not weakness. It is wisdom in action.
By practising this law, you begin to experience life not as a series of battles to be fought, but as a journey to be lived — with grace, resilience and gratitude.
Wherever you are in your journey, always remember that YOU ARE ENOUGH.
