When Life Gives You Lemons…
…Take Them Back and Get Strawberries Instead
As originally published in Heart Speak on Medium.com.
F*** lemonade. There, I said it!
In full disclosure though, I actually love lemonade, so the above is purely metaphorical :-)
For some reason, I’ve been thinking about the “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade” saying a lot lately. Perhaps it’s because we’re in the middle of a heat wave and lemonade sounds great just about all the time right now.
Essentially what the saying implies is that we should make something sweet out of something sour. In other words, make the best out of a bad situation.
Of course, there are many instances where this attitude will come in handy. For example, if your heel breaks in the middle of an evening out, either rock your outfit barefoot or break the other heel to make a pair of flats.
However, I’ve often heard this metaphor used in actual relationship situations. It often goes hand in hand with “count your blessings” or “someone else is always worse off than you.”
Indeed, it applied to my life — over and over again — from jobs with terrible bosses to relationships with terrible men.
Every time I tried to make the proverbial lemonade I was either being told or telling myself that I was lucky to have a job or that being in a relationship was better than being alone.
And sure, there were brief moments in time where the sweetness of that lemonade came through — a good day at work again or a kind gesture from a boyfriend.
But that’s all they were — brief moments in time in otherwise dire situations.
It took me a very long time to realize that I not only didn’t have to make the best of every situation but that in fact, I absolutely should not.
Because of always trying to “make things work”, I have suffered so much trauma in my life — on an emotional, mental, and physical level.
I tolerated situations I should never have tolerated. I excused behavior I should never have excused.
Gratitude for what you have is great. But not to the extent it leads you to ignore your actual reality.
It’s ok to want more. It’s ok to want something different. It’s ok to want something (or someone) better.
In my experience, the switch is not easy to make though. Because making lemonade is easier than going back to the store.
Figuring out with whom and where exchanges are made, having to explain to the manager why you want sweet strawberries instead of sour lemons now, and, assuming they agree to take the lemons back, having to pay a premium for those sweet strawberries.
Translated — the mind likes what it knows. We will always be drawn to situations that are familiar to us, even if they are unhealthy.
So for change to happen, it’s about making the unfamiliar familiar. And that’s uncomfortable because it requires a journey within.
I had to find the root cause of my unhealthy habits and patterns — my subconscious programming — and then take responsibility for upgrading them. And it cost me — in time, money, and most of all heartache.
So why do it?
Coming face to face with all my own demons was a trying process I wasn’t always sure I could get to the other side of.
To be honest, it’s an ongoing (and entirely possibly never-ending) process.
Setting boundaries takes practice. Standing up for myself, my wants and my needs take practice. Handling triggers takes practice. The list is long…
But what started out as an incredibly uncomfortable and painful process has become a journey of self-evolution which I value immensely.
Because today, every time I feel anxious, angry, frustrated, bitter, disappointed, or in any way out of alignment with myself, I can now objectively look at the situation.
I review my part in it and consciously decide how to respond or move forward in a way that serves me versus harms me.
Albeit still uncomfortable, it’s liberating and empowering.
What else has this journey of self-evolution gotten me? Strawberries!
The more I can operate from a place of alignment with my true self, the more lemons I can return and the more strawberries I can get.
I have so many new relationships — healthy relationships.
Beautifully supportive friendships. A partner that complements and enhances my life. Clients I enjoy working with.
And I can pursue my passions again, like motorcycle riding, photography, learning about the self, travel, and so much more.
I’ve also come to realize and accept that life is about progress, not perfection. And above all else knowing, and believing, that I am enough.
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