It’s Not About Who You Want To Become. It’s About Who You No Longer Want To Be.
To change, we need a clear intention with an elevated emotion
As originally published in Change Your Mind Change Your Life on Medium.com.
Image: francescoch on iStock
Much of the self-help world focuses on the future — on what we want. But in my experience there is a prerequisite to any of that work being effective, at least in the long term — the clear intention and elevated emotion it takes to change in the first place.
This article explores that prerequisite.
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This article is also an expansion on insight #9 of my recent article “Quite Possibly the Only Knowledge You Need To Change Your Life” after multiple requests to expand on the insights with ways to implement the lessons learned.
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Everybody Says They Want To Change
All of us have desires in life. But not many are willing to do what it takes to make those desires a reality.
Because that requires changing. And change is hard.
For example, anyone unhappy with their current weight will say they wish to be a different weight. But to be that different weight would require changing their eating habits, incorporating exercise into their daily routine, and doing a deep dive into the self to uncover and work through the root cause of the weight (because excess weight is the symptom, not the problem).
The mere thought of all those changes is enough to keep most people stuck in the status quo.
Others will make a start but be unsuccessful in sustaining the new lifestyle.
Only a small percentage will succeed in changing — for good.
And they will do so because they have a clear intention with an elevated emotion.
For everyone else, the choice is the status quo because it is the path of least resistance. It may invoke bitterness, anger, frustration, disappointment, sadness and a host of other negative emotions, but it is familiar. And our mind will always take us to what’s familiar.
You see, behind all these negative emotions lies a purpose. This purpose stems from our most basic human instinct to survive, and get our basic needs met. And it almost always started in childhood.
I wrote about this extensively in “Why We Feel Like We Are Not Enough.”
As adults, 95% of how we operate stems from our subconscious which means most of us walk around unconsciously for most of the day — repeating the same thoughts, emotions and behaviours we did the day before. Over and over again.
As counter-intuitive as it may seem, every negative element in our lives is giving us something. It’s feeding an underlying need or desire — most often subconsciously.
And this is the part that is so difficult for us to acknowledge because it means looking inward instead of outward for answers. It’s the realisation that we are our own worst enemy.
“It’s hard to lead the life you choose...
And I was in love with things I tried to make believe I was
And I wouldn’t be the one to kneel before the dreams I wanted
And all the talk and all the lies were all the empty things disguised as me…”
— The Goo Goo Dolls (from their song “Sympathy”)
Excess weight might be garnering attention or keeping us safe, for example. But whatever it is, it is unlikely to change until we face off with 95% of who we are.
The Clear Intention
No matter how bad or uncomfortable a situation is, it is a known quantity. And this provides comfort.
The alternative is unknown. And that’s uncomfortable.
But for some people, there comes a tipping point. A point of no return.
A point when we realise that our reality is not what we thought, hoped, or believed it was.
“Illusion never changed into something real
I’m wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn”
— Natalie Imbruglia (from her song “Torn”)
Often it’s a rock bottom — we‘ve lost our health, wealth or relationships.
But whether it’s rock bottom or not, it is not until the discomfort of our status quo outweighs the discomfort and inherent fear of the unknown that change occurs. There is absolute clarity about who we no longer want to be.
This is the clear intention.
The Elevated Emotion
Whatever we want, we want because of how we believe we will feel once we have it.
Carrying on with the example above, the desire to be a different weight might be because of the belief that the new weight will result in feeling more attractive, happier, healthier, or the like.
Whatever the desired emotion is, this is the elevated emotion we must tap into — and stay in — before our desire manifests.
The key is to transition from the Newtonian model of reality where there is “cause and effect” to the Quantum model of reality where we “cause an effect”. I wrote more about this in my article “Our Thoughts and Feelings Create an Electromagnetic Charge Around Us.”
The Law of Attraction
The teachings of Abraham Hicks and many others tell us that we are the creators of our reality. I believe this.
The idea that we can create anything and everything we could ever want is exciting and empowering.
Right up until the moment we realise that this also means if we do not have what we want or feel the way we want, we are the only person standing in our way.
All of a sudden we don’t like the idea as much. Because this means we, and we alone, are responsible for our life — for our health and happiness.
And as much as we’d like it to, we can’t expect the law of attraction to make an exception for us.
So, whilst this is scary at first, I found understanding the meaning of responsibility to be helpful, and allow me to move back into an empowering mindset.
Responsibility = an ability to respond
Regardless of what happens around us, we can always choose how to respond to it — how to feel about it.
Our emotions tell us about our vibrational frequency. And when we feel negative emotions our frequency is lowered.
This is important because what we are broadcasting sets our point of attraction.
Image: Revival Health GmbH
“Law of Attraction: That which is likened to itself is drawn.”
— Abraham Hicks
We get what we think about whether we want it or not.
And this creates momentum. The more negative thoughts we think and feelings we have, the more we attract a reality that reflects and reinforces these thoughts and feelings. It’s a snowball effect.
But the same applies to positive thoughts and emotions.
The law of attraction is responding to how we feel. How we feel about everything is what we’re living.
So, the better we feel the more we are allowing what we desire. The worse we feel the more we are resisting it.
Simply put, we need to line up with what we desire rather than standing in its way simply because we cannot yet see it.
“Use every golden moment of now to recreate yourself anew in the next grandest vision ever you held about who you are.”
— Neale Donald Walsch
Who Do You No Longer Want To Be?
Four years ago I realised I no longer wanted to be a victim. Remaining one would have killed me. And the innermost part of me didn’t want to die.
And so I began the journey of facing off with the 95% of me that was on autopilot.
Facing off with beliefs that were holding me in a place I didn’t want to be.
Understanding there will always be contrast in life. But that knowing what I don’t want also automatically defines what I do want.
And knowing that to allow what I want to become reality, I must align with the frequency of that vibration.
Define. Align. Allow. And we can create anything we desire.
It’s been four years and my life today looks very different than it did back then. For the better.
But I’m a work in progress. Continuously learning and evolving. With the goal of creating everything I have ever wanted.
It’s about progress, not perfection.
And wherever you are on your healing journey, always remember that YOU ARE ENOUGH.
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